Cut the link between emotion and thought

When pain body is activated, how to lessen grip on me?  Despite awareness, feel agitated and at its mercy.  How to flap wings to release energy?

What is the trigger?  Certain thoughts in the head.  How to turn it off?

Observe link between thought processes and emotions.  Important to cut the link.  Pain body feeds on certain thought processes.  By feeding the thoughts, you amplify the pain body.  Ducks do not think about...
Thinking becomes totally contaminated by old emotions inside you, total distortion of reality, thinking through the emotion.  One can be totally deluded at the moment.  No separation from emotion and thought.

See how it arises and catch it at early stage.  See that it is the pain body.

Be the awareness, allow it to be there.  Don't think "I shouldn't be feeling it."  In the spaciousness, it disintegrates.  Be careful it does not feed on your thought.  It requires alertness.  Go into the feeling of the inner body so that attention moves away from mind to the inner body.  Be present as part of your being.  Emotions feed on the mind.  Catch the thought.  Cut the link between emotion and thought by being aware, being alert.  The sword of presence to cut the link.

The duck which flaps its wings leaves no trace of the fight.  Nothing, just gone.

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Into The Darkness Again

The last couple of days have been rather dark days for me even though there was nothing that happened.  I suddenly felt blue all over again, post a meltdown on CNY Day 3.  I thought I was over the darkness but somehow it overwhelmed me again.

I talked with Derrick this morning to tell him that I am feeling blue and he told me not to challenge it, just to look at it and accept it.  I shed some tears as my head was feeling to tensed, my chest constricted.  I was choking, suffocating.  People ask why I suffer depression.  I don't know why, I just feel blue, choking, weepy.

People say take it easy, but when the boys are naughty and making too much noise, I blow.  Somehow, I cannot accept the noise.  I stare into emptiness when I get too tired.  At times, I think I am cracking up as I have no control over my thoughts.  They just go on and on like clouds in the sky, like waves in the ocean.  I am lost in those useless thoughts, they are so tiresome, so tiring.  And when my head is just too tensed, I stop thinking and feel numb.  That is when the choking sensation starts, the weepiness.

People say they understand, but when the crunch come, they seem not able to help.  And that is when I really want to be left alone.  I withdraw into myself.  Strangely, I know I have to accept and that I have to heal myself but at the crunch, it all dissolves and I am completely lost in the choking sensation.  There is no way to get out of that feeling, so Derrick said to just feel it.  There is so much pent-up energy waiting to be released.  And when the moment is right, it all gushes out in tears and frustration.  Then comes the silence.

Just as day turns into night, my thoughts and emotions go from light to dark.  I am aware that this is happening and there is nothing I can do about it except to watch it rise.  And the best way for me to let it go is to go somewhere where I am alone and write it all down, in this case type it all done.  Then the ego and the pain body who are buddies slide into the shadows again, leaving me tired and without thought.

Pain Body Activated, Aches & Pains All Over

The last few days have been agonizing for my body at least. Aches and pains of all kinds at all my limbs. I slapped them, whacked them, meditated on them, talked to them, to ask why they were there. I need to go back to nature, to my garden, to eating healthily. Go back to some form of macrobiotic food with homegrown vegetables.

I have been watching myself moving from emotion to emotion, from thought to thought. It is amazing how the pain body works. It confuses me, leads me on, gets me isolated. It takes a lot of awareness to pull back and pull together.

Last night I did crystal healing with rose quartz and clear crystal. The rose quartz helped remove some of the aches and pains and stabilized me.