Getting Really Interested in Fish Rearing

I have a 2-year old African catfish living in a dragon pot.  I have tilapia, marbled goby (soon hock or ketutu), patin, lampan, rainbow and fighting fish in an aquarium and several jars.  Of late, I have been catching baby ketutu.  They are such ugly but fascinating fish.  They hardly move.  I am now trying to find out more about them.

Into Writing Poetry

Working on a creative way to getting out of the blues and staying out of the blues - writing poetry.  I have found out that creative writing need not be structured.  It is just a way of expressing the way one feels about life.  I now have a new blog http://poemsheart.blogspot.com and the site is called Poetry of the Heart.

Light and Dark, Dawn and Dusk

This evening, I watched the movie The Seeker about a boy who is to find 6 signs to defeat Darkness.  While the movie clearly defined Light and Dark as 2 separate things, they are really one.  How can one separate light from darkness?  Light becomes dark and dark becomes light, just like day turns into night and night turns onto day.  So light and dark are in all of us.  Which it is is up to us.  Just like people telling me not to worry, to be happy.

Having known that, we also know that seasons come and seasons go.  So day and night are always there.  That is how it is.  But do we all know that night is never totally dark?  It is just the absence of light.  And if we spend enough time in the dark, one can actually see light in the darkness.

A Day Out Fishing at Sg Buah

Our Earth Hour day was spent outdoors.  We went fishing (C&R) at Sg Buah.  We caught lots of pacu (pirahna).  Breakfast, lunch and dinner were very simple food.  It was a good day well spent without electricity, electrical equipment.  Plenty of fresh air, sounds of nature, quiet until many more people came a-fishing.

Fishing, Gardening, Raining

It's been a water related week with fishing, gardening and the rain.  D and I went to Bangi to have a nice day out fishing on Wednesday.  We caught lots of pacu (some kind of piranha like fish) and leko (grass carp).  It was one after another of reel zipping away.  Very exciting and tiring.  Lost lots of hooks as many more got away during the fights.  We used worms and ground bait.  The pacu would bite the worms almost immediately after the cast.  No time to sit down to rest, really.

Gardening has been rather fun as well.  The garden is full of worms and the plants are thriving.  It is mainly repositioning the plants to have different look.

Finally the weather has been kind to us after several hot days.  The intermonsoon, convection rain is heavy with lightning and thunder.  Rivers of water gush down every possible pathway - the drains, the road, the roof, the gutter, washing all the dirt and dust away.

Even Kiara Park's stream is made nice, clean and clear after the rain.

2 nights at Grandpa's place in Muar

We decided to bring the 3 Jays to Grandpa's place on Friday so that they can spend some time with Grandpa, the kampung air, the black dogs and Jalpi the cat.  Hmm... the attempt to remove them from Internet and Runescape was achieved.  They watched more TV and played with the basic games on the laptop - Chess, mines and solitaire.

Tojo and All Black, Grandpa's black dogs, were just pesky with each other.  Tojo would come to All Black growling and All Black would growl back like pestering him to fight it out.  Sounds like the Malaysian politics now.  Jalpi the cat just minded his own business, sleeping and purring all the time.  Of course, when Jordan played with his yoyo in front of him, Jalpi's eyes just followed the yoyo.

I spent a lot of time in Father's garden, helping him weed a small part of the large space.  It was good exercise as I sweated it out.  This time, I made sure I had a mosquito coil lighted so that the mozzies stayed away.  Did some replanting of shrubs and trimming.  Got stung/bitten by a wasp - it was painful, like fire burning on the skin.  2 days after, the part of the hand that got stung is feeling itchy and there is a lump at the bite/sting.

Joey came out to help in the garden on Saturday with the hoe, collecting the soil and weeds I had cangkul-ed out.  Mila made a fire which was good to smoke the mozzies away.  Johan came out to help a short while, fighting to see who got the hoe and who got the rake.  After a while both of them said "Hard work, gardening."  And what did their sweaty mom say?  Yeah, hard work.

Wooly in the Head

Saw my shrink last Wednesday and updated him about my current bout of depression.  We decided to up the Efexor dosage from 262.5 mg to 300 mg, which according to him is max.  Since then, my eyesight has good blurry and it does not help that I am now having a chesty cough and cold.  I feel like 2 persons looking out of my head.

What is there to blog about?

Unlike most bloggers who have lots to write about everything, I can't seem to write intellectual stuff.  I tend to keep things simple and not get into the rut of politics and agenda setting.  To most, I may be moving around aimlessly, yet I feel quite happy with what my life is like right now, except during the occasional depressive moments.

I am now seated quietly by my open window, listening to the soft sounds of rain falling and the birds chirping from afar, feeling the cool breeze.  It is so calming.

What more can one ask for?  Nothing.

Time Out To Be Alone

I have been back in depression for a couple of weeks now, despite taking my medication with dosage increase.  One important thing I have learned is to have moments alone in silence, not doing anything complicated.  

My siblings thought they could take me out of my home environment (kids being stressors when they are naughty) and have me over at their place, not realising that being away from familiar grounds is stressful as well.  I found that being with my siblings, I needed to join in their chatter, their activities, their routine.  All these caused great amount of anxiety to be built up.  So instead of getting more rest, I end up being more tired.

I did not know how to let them know that I need to be alone at home in silence.  So I told my doctor my anxieties and got her to tell my sisters that I need time on my own alone.

It is good now that I am at home alone upstairs, kids in school.  I have some peace of mind.  We all need to remember that at times, we need our own time out, no matter how long it takes.

Be Still And Know That I Am God

I have been off form lately, having gone into depression again.  I try to stay centered but then my mind tends to drift away.  It is difficult to stay present and with God.  It's like I am in a dark hole.  I just want to be alone and in silence.