A Simple and Frugal Life

I have been "unemployed" for almost 6 months.  So what do I do most of the time?  I lead a very simple and frugal life.  No money to spend on things I used to spend on when I was working.

Money is now mainly used for the children and grocery.  No working clothes and shoes to buy. No expensive cosmetics, no expensive books.  No shopping at Branded stores.  No eating out unless we do not cook at home, limited to McDonald's once in a while and mamak shops.

I wear simple clothes like shorts and t-shirts, Asadi slippers when I go out.  I go walk in the park when I feel I need the space and time alone.  I bring Jouwe to Kiara Park stream to catch fish.  I read books for free at Borders.

I stay home most of the time, gardening, surfing the net, reading.  That is all my mind can cope with right now as depression comes and goes.

The True Meaning of (St) Valentine's Day

Commercialism has caused the true meaning of Valentine's Day to be lost.  Is it just about boy-girl relationship?  No!  Valentine's Day is a day dedicated to love (not relationship love, but pure love for one another).  It is a day where we show our love to everyone we know - our loved ones and our friends.  People are supposed to send each other notes about what they feel - for friendship.

And what does the media play up today?  Boy-girl relationships.  Which is why some countries and religions ban it, for the wrong reason.  People have forgotten the true meaning of (St) Valentine's Day.

Where is Mankind Heading?

I feel sad these days.  I thought it was due to depression.  But reading the papers nowadays is a contributing factor to this sadness.  Why so, you may ask.  It is the very things that mankind is not supposed to do, yet are into it big time.

Unethical politics, in-fighting and wars, sheer disregard for the environment, sheer disrespect for the human spirit.  The human race is supposed to have been descended from Adam and Eve (according to the Old Testament which is shared by several major religion).  Yet from the times of Cain and Abel, there has been seeds of jealousy and hatred which manifested into fights and wars.  Everyone seems to have forgotten the ancient teaching "Love your neighbour as yourself".  Instead they practice "an eye for an eye" and "leave each other blind".  Most people today are blinded, blinkered, misled into fighting for their "rights", misled by the few so-called leaders and politicians into believing that there is a superior race, a exclusive religion, a special call-to-action to fight for until kingdom come. 

All these are creating a lot of negative energy in the world.  Whatmore, with pollution and destruction of the environment, global warming, the wild made homeless.  Mother Nature is crying.  Yet in the tunnel, there is a little light, a stillness, a new beginning.  Consciousness is awakening.  That is why many people now suffer from depression.  Many are not aware that depression is caused by the negative energy emitting from all over.

What can we do?  Wait, there is hope.  Stop to look and listen.  Really look and listen to the wonder of creation.  Then go within to look and listen as well.  The sound of silence in the rushes.  The sound of your heart beating, the sound of your breath, the pulsation of your body, the aliveness.  Then positive energy will flow and flow and flow...

2 Resources to Help Me Through Depression

A few days ago, I found the most valuable treasure to help me through the dark days.

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth.info/index.php

And yesterday I found a book by Philip Martin called The Zen Path through Depression which tells me that it's ok to have depression.  It's an answer to my silent prayer.

I already feel presence and stillness.

Back in the Hole of Depression

I realise that I have slipped back into depression.  Each time I get into depression, I look for books to read.  This time, I got a book by Philip Martin, The Zen Path through Depression.  Philip writes the book with his own experience in depression.

I then read my diary about the time I attended a silent retreat at Maranatha House, Janda Baik, called Healing the Past.  I recall Father Philip telling us to forgive and forget, to go into ourselves and to make ourselves whole again.

Getting Down to The Business of Writing

It's been 5 months since I have stopped working.  Time flew by so quickly with so many little things to do.  Of course, I have more time to rest now, more time for gardening, a bit of time for fishing.  But I have yet to discipline myself to writing the ebook on health.  I tend to spend time not really doing much.  It is so easy to let time slip by and in that time, to look out the window and see the wind teasing the leaves on the tree, listening to the sound of a bird chirping away in a distance, the sound of a car driving by.

I have been in and out of the blue.  When I am happy, I am happy.  When I feel blue, I just feel blue.  It is good that the boys are back at school after a week off.  At least now, the house is quiet in the morning.

Then again, I wonder how to get down to really writing when my mind is not at peace.