Coming back out again

After a couple of weeks of anxiety and despair, I am finally out of it again.  I survived another mental ordeal!  The cycle is once again complete.  How did I do it this time?  I allowed the anxiety, pain and despair to be.  I watched it and there were times when I thought I was losing it.  But I hung on and soon the negative clouds of thoughts floated away.

I was like two persons, fighting each other in the head.  You know, like the cartoons you watch on TV with the Angel and the Devil on the right and left shoulders.

Then I got to reading Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist which reminded me to listen to my heart.  Somehow, I stopped listening to my heart and just listened to my head.  I paid attention to my heart and the acceptance set in quickly.  The resistance went away.  Faith set in.

Time Out To Be Alone

I have been back in depression for a couple of weeks now, despite taking my medication with dosage increase.  One important thing I have learned is to have moments alone in silence, not doing anything complicated.  

My siblings thought they could take me out of my home environment (kids being stressors when they are naughty) and have me over at their place, not realising that being away from familiar grounds is stressful as well.  I found that being with my siblings, I needed to join in their chatter, their activities, their routine.  All these caused great amount of anxiety to be built up.  So instead of getting more rest, I end up being more tired.

I did not know how to let them know that I need to be alone at home in silence.  So I told my doctor my anxieties and got her to tell my sisters that I need time on my own alone.

It is good now that I am at home alone upstairs, kids in school.  I have some peace of mind.  We all need to remember that at times, we need our own time out, no matter how long it takes.