Maranatha - Saturday

Was awake from 5 am, brushed my teeth, showered (coooldddd.... brrr...) and went down to read and reflect. When the sun came up, I saw 2 hornbills flying off from their roost on a tall durian tree.  I went for a stroll to see the big house next door which had a couple of noisy barking dogs.  The dogs seem not a natural part of Janda Baik, introduced by humans.  Their incessant barking seem out of place in the still of the place. Time flew by quickly and soon it was breakfast time.  We had simple fried meehoon and toast.  This time onward, we all ate silently with light meditation music in the background and the jungle sounds.

The day went on well until I asked the Spiritual Director a question about the Bible and why so many words were needed to preach the Old Testament (which seemed not relevant, having names of people and places of pre-Christ), and it being translated so often with changing words and meanings.  It led me to ponder and have more questions.

I did not take Fr David's response too kindly and got into an anger mode, not so much with Fr David but rather with the Church.  I have chosen to stay away from Church from young as the Church (through its nuns, priests and rituals) did not provide me answers to questions I had posed then.  We were raised and the Bible states that God is a violent, punishing God.  I have always believed that God is ever loving, ever forgiving; that God is everywhere in everything and everyone; that we are all one.  Yet the Church seem to tell me that I do not understand and not to ask too many questions.

My mind was in torment and turmoil.  I felt so confused, so out of place, so unbelonged.  I retreated into myself.  That was to be a revelation.