To my exasperation, tears started rolling down my face. I went upstairs quietly to cry. But a storm had brewed. I sobbed and sobbed like my heart was broken. I cried out so much and so loud that I thought I was going crazy. I felt like it was the end of the world. I felt that there was no love anymore in the house. I felt disbelief. I felt so much hurt. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest.
I came to a point where I just wanted to give it all up. Then I left the house and went for a walk around the neighbourhood in the dark. I walked and walked and then I came upon Jordan's campfire at school. I went to see him for a while and then I left to continue walking. I walked and walked. Then I came home.
Derrick did not say a word when I walked in. I went to the kitchen to have my dinner and the 2 boys came down quietly. I ignored them and then I started to cry again. I made a cup of coffee and came upstairs. I told them about my anger, my hurt, my feeling that there is no longer any love in the house. They are now asleep while Derrick is still downstairs watching TV. Unreal.
