Alone to Fight the System

Alas, the disappointment one feels with what the world is like towards a sufferer of major depression, a form of mental illness. Sacked by Shell the Number 2 most profitable oil company in the world in August last year, let down by SOCSO's medical board for incapacity pension - it would seem I am punished by people who decide for me my mental, emotional and financial well being.

I feel be damned by people who have no consideration for a person who suffers the dark pit of depression. My heart and head hurt thinking about the lowliness of people so lacking in compassion that they are willing to let another human being walk in desperation alone.

The world of men is indeed getting darker and darker. The heart and soul of learned men and doctors are not to be found, only the manipulative mind. My heart bleeds and weeps for the sons of Adam.

Am I having depression or am I not?

Am I having depression or not?  That is the question.  Spiritual healers tell Derrick that I am not having depression, that it is all mind made.  Derrick tells me that I am not having depression.  And when I get emotional and blue, he thinks it is all my thinking.  He wants to go get off taking my medication.

Yet how do I explain my feelings?  Everything I say does not matter to him.  In fact, now even my siblings tell me to be strong and fight my thoughts.

Then again, isn't depression all about negative thoughts, feeling blue, feeling anxious?  I am in the midst of applying for incapacity and TPD for my insurance yet I am told that I am not depressed.

Utter Shock and Devastation

Today I am informed by phone by the Company's Medical Advisor that I am not to get an improved package for dismissal on medical grounds from the Company, a company I once believed was a caring one.

I am utterly shocked that

• the Company, a highly profitable oil major is dismissing
• a loyal employee who has worked in the Company for 15 years
• and suffering from major depression
• on the grounds of frequent episodes of depression
• with a mere compensation of 1.5 months to each year of service

without considering the circumstances of the employee

• I am the sole breadwinner of the family
• My husband is 48 years of age and a fulltime home maker
• I have 3 young sons - all below 12 years of age
• I will be on long term medication and episodes likely to recur
• It is highly unlikely that I will be able to find a job of equal capacity and pay in any large organization because of the Medical Buy Out.
• In any case, my confidence level, speech and thinking capacity have been compromised.

The basic package which is yet to be finalized is estimated at RM340K or USD100K. We will now need to stretch our dollar for the next few years.  Worse, in today's economic situation and the worsening US economy which is impacting all the stock markets globally.


Alas, there is no compassion, no heart for a company which is a internationally reputable one.