As the day went on, the bewilderment slowly turned into frustration and anger. How dare he judge me in that 5 minutes? He is supposed to be an expert in his field. I was drained of energy just thinking about it. Then hours later, I experienced the 2nd wave of anger. This time, it was explosive. I shouted at 6 young men playing with a remote control car in the playground and running over flowers planted by residents. Told them to go destroy their moms' garden. Some of them sniggered and I got even more annoyed and asked them if they have mothers, that they should learn to be more respectful.
At this time, I was very aware of the raw anger in me. It was frightening that I was shouting on top of my voice and my sister who was with me got worried. She told me to leave them alone.
When I saw my shrink yesterday, I told him what had happened. He told me to let it go (i.e., let SOCSO incapacity pension claim go). I told him I had every right to apply for it as I had fulfilled some of the criteria. He told me not to compare with other more developed countries, that it would be very difficult and stressful for me to continue the fight. I told him I would continue to fight because if people just accepted the current situation, then we will never become a developed nation. The mentally ill are also people who have rights. And no doctor is going to deny us that just because he thinks that I am not incapacitated.
Now thinking about it (and after screaming at my youngest son for being selfish), I wonder if it is better to suppress anger or to express it?
