Busy and Yet Able To Remain Still

It is amazing how I have learned to remain aware of who I am and what I do in the business of life.  I am busy yet able to remain still.  I go through my daily activities - getting up in the morning, making the beds, doing the laundry, feeding the fish, having breakfast, reading the papers, clearing/cleaning the bedrooms, mopping the floor whenever required, washing the bathrooms whenever required, cooking dinner, ironing the clothes, sweeping the dining and kitchen area after dinner, mopping the dining and kitchen area whenever required, sweeping the living area, mopping the living area whenever required.

Some would call these chores mundane but I find them meditative.  I do them with awareness, and I am even aware of my thoughts and my emotions.  Sometimes I do my ironing and I am thinking and it becomes meditative.  Sometimes I do it in a fit of anger and as I iron, I find the anger easing off.  The same with mopping the floor.  I find it meditative, contemplative.  It is not a waste of time.  It is being.

I may be busy as a bee, and I am aware of what is happening around me.  I take time off to look at my plants.  I enjoy watching my flame tree with its leaves rustling in the breeze or branches willow in the wind as the rain clouds roll in.  I enjoy seeing the birds swooping down to stand on the tree.  I enjoy listening to their chirping.

Life is so beautiful, and it is OK to suffer from depression.  It has opened up my senses.  I am more aware of what is happening inside of me as well as what is happening around me.

A Change of Attitude is Needed

I have been advised to change my outlook, to let go, to move on, to be positive. Which is fine, I can do that. However, time and again, I will feel down and I think it is acceptable. That is life.

Honestly, I do count my blessings, no matter how small. I love my family and my family loves me which is most important. I have a nice home. I have a nice garden - heck, I spend a lot of time on it. I have a nice DIY fish pond in my backyard which is a joy to look at - 4 goldfishes, 2 ketutu (soon hock/marbled goby), a catfish, some longkang fish. The trickling water creates a peaceful sound.

Of course, I do get negative often with low moods. The doctor says it is my personality. Well, some people are born happy. They are always happy. Some people are born crappy. They are always snappy. However, I now choose to be who I am - happy, crappy, snappy, positive, negative. I am the Tao. One cannot be positive all the time. There are always 2 sides to a coin but the sides are equal, balanced. There is day and there is night. It just so happens.

Thanks to all those who have been helpful in their own ways.