From totally lost to awareness

Yesterday was an experience to remind me again of my own true self.  It started normally.  But somehow by evening, I was tensed and tired again.  After a short nap, I woke up feeling worse off than before.  My chest hurt, especially when I swallowed my food at dinner time.  Then after my shower with the kids all over me, I started to lose my cool.  I cannot remember everything that happened but I just started shouting and screaming at my kids.  I could no longer hold it in.  I felt I was losing it.  I felt like dying.

I locked myself in the back room for a while after asking the boys to leave me alone.  I was lost in my thoughts and emotions.  My ego was feeding on them, making me like a person gone mad.  I started to look at myself, at my thoughts and emotions.  Tears rolled down my cheeks.  I sat so quietly.  My older sons knocked on the door to find out how I was doing.  I let them in but did not talk to them.  They became quiet.

Then I started to read Eckhart Tolle's new book Oneness with All Life.  After reading the first chapter, I decided to re-red his earlier book A New Earth to better understand what had happened to me.  In reading his book, I felt a calmness over me as my ego diminished.  I became aware of my thoughts and emotions, that they are not who I am.  Watching them, I became awareness.