Solitary Creature, Once In A While Living In Groups

When I read my son's science book about Living Things Living Together or in Solitary, I realized that it relates to me, that I am both.  Sometimes I like being with others, sometimes I just want to be alone.  Most of all, I like being with nature because nature is so healing.  I love trees, I love being out among plants.  They are just so, unlike me.  I am so full of contradictions.  I find being with people very superficial.  I get superficial as well.  My ego loves engaging and if it finds the situation unbearable, it just goes berserk.

I understand how some people react in crowds.  I understand how sometimes a lone gunman takes down people, because something in them just blow and they go berserk.  It is man's inability to adapt and change with how the world is moving.  I understand that because sometimes I just lose it.  I lose myself in the world of thought.  I worry myself to death, I judge too hastily.  Without realizing, I sometimes get into situations I often would avoid getting into.  Which is why I prefer not to engage with people because I develop a distorted view of the world and when I cannot accept, I suffer a meltdown.

I am a solitary creature, preferring to be alone.  I find peace in doing my house chores on weekdays, when the boys are at school.  I find peace in ironing the clothes as I am focussed on it.  I find peace in cooking except when my young son comes to "disturb" my peace.  I try to accept the situation as it is just like that with having kids.  Sometimes I am successful in being calm and collected but sometimes I shoo my boy away.

I am not different from a lion or a tiger, socializing when it is necessary but preferring to be alone doing nothing most of the time.  The lion or tiger will fight for its space.

I am no different from an animal, which are incidentally God's creatures as well.  We all are.