Which brings me to the conclusion (again) that this challenge is what I need to learn and overcome in this lifetime. In some occasions, there is no issue. The sky is blue, the breeze is blowing, leaves on the trees are rustling, there is a beautiful (lack of a better word) stillness. And I am happy with the housework, the gardening, the ironing, the cooking. Blissful!
Then there are times when the smallest of words from a loved one can cause a volcano to erupt and floods of tears to fall. Most times this happens before or during the period a woman bleeds, horrors of horrors. All balance and harmony gets lost, reactivity is the name of the game. The storm is at Mach 5. Nothing can stand in the way of the Hurricane. Then just as the storm came, it disappears into the calm after a couple of days.
In the last few months, post finding Mooji on Youtube, I have been once again "searching". I tried out a couple of meetups with people with similar interest in meditation and yoga, and decided that teachers and masters are hard to come by. Watching Mooji, I count my blessings that I have had Shihan Goh is my meditation teacher years ago. I count my blessings that I have a supportive family (even though at trying times I wished I had none). I count my blessings that I have some friends whom I can call on now and again.
And in the need to come out of the hole of darkness, I decided that it is time for me to take up some colours and do some art to release some of the anxiety, worries, anger, sadness... I have put it aside for too long. It does not matter what I draw or how I colour, it is the focus and attention on creating something out of nothing. It is a great resolve.
